Project the Positive

Next time you are having a challenge with a coworker or supervisor, try projecting the positive into the situation.


Focus on a possible resolution to the conflict. Imagine a resolution and work towards that through projecting those ideas into the situation. 

Use Statements such as: 

"I know that we can come to a good working relationship.""I feel confident that we can overcome this challenge.""I am committed to making this a good working relationship." 

"I understand how you could feel that way."

You most likely will take them off guard and that is one of the biggest challenges to any resolution ~ people taking offense and putting up a defense.


“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” 
― Dalai Lama XIV

First blogged 3/4/12

Build Bridges

Not Walls

Communication in its basic form, is a method of relaying information. Communication can be either destructive or constructive depending on the delivery. Poor communication can ruin marriages, destroy friendships, and erode business relationships.

We may feel hurt by what someone has said. Instead of taking the time to process the words of another, we often just react with pure emotion - throwing an emotional brick back in their face. 

Those bricks soon construct an insurmountable wall. 

When possible, in interpersonal communication, think your responses through first. Allow yourself to really understand what was said to you. Ask clarifying questions if need be. Try to see the situation from their perspective. Weigh the benefits versus the repercussions of your response. Examine your motive, are you seeking resolution or just retaliating from an offense.

Choose to respond in a way that fosters a better relationship with that person and works towards forward progress. 

Next time you throw out a brick - make sure it is used to build a bridge rather than fortify a wall. 

Originally blogged 2/29/12

Gossip Girls Gone Wild

Gossiping  

An American Tradition among Women

In the early days of this country; especially on the frontier, there were no formal modes of communication. 

                               
Women would gather during quilting bees, jelly making, and barn raisings; they would talk of all that was happening in the community and develop friendships. Newspapers were a city amenity. Even in the urban areas most people still conveyed news of marriages, childbirths, and deaths by word of mouth. 

Today with news streaming on a continual basis; gossip has moved from a way to convey important events to a way to slander others. 

Gossip is very addicting and we all fall prey to it; but it is also very damaging, especially to female friendships. It serves as another form of division among us that should be eradicated if strengthening the bonds of the community is the goal.

♥Let's Keep it to a Minimum Ladies♥  

Triangular Conversations

Often when we get upset with another person, we don't talk directly to that person about the issue but rather to another person. Many people are afraid of confrontation and I think historically women in this country were taught to not have an opinion and to not express it or any negative emotion. This has carried over in the way that most women deal with confrontation - passively rather than directly.

Often if we honestly look at our motives behind having triangular conversations, with third parties rather than direct communication with the person; we find resolution is not our primary motive behind the communication. Instead we often talk to other people to win favor, to feel justified in our stance, or to make ourselves feel better.

The only problem with "venting, complaining, or gossiping" about one person to another person, is it does not lead to a resolution of the issue and almost always causes more discord among the two individuals. Much of the tension between certain women is based on a slight, a grudge or a misunderstanding that if talked about could most likely be resolved.

So if you have not been happy with the outcomes of issues you have had in the past with others. Next time try going directly to the source of the problem to look for resolve.



Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. - Miguel Ruiz