Project the Positive

Next time you are having a challenge with a coworker or supervisor, try projecting the positive into the situation.


Focus on a possible resolution to the conflict. Imagine a resolution and work towards that through projecting those ideas into the situation. 

Use Statements such as: 

"I know that we can come to a good working relationship.""I feel confident that we can overcome this challenge.""I am committed to making this a good working relationship." 

"I understand how you could feel that way."

You most likely will take them off guard and that is one of the biggest challenges to any resolution ~ people taking offense and putting up a defense.


“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” 
― Dalai Lama XIV

First blogged 3/4/12

Build Bridges

Not Walls

Communication in its basic form, is a method of relaying information. Communication can be either destructive or constructive depending on the delivery. Poor communication can ruin marriages, destroy friendships, and erode business relationships.

We may feel hurt by what someone has said. Instead of taking the time to process the words of another, we often just react with pure emotion - throwing an emotional brick back in their face. 

Those bricks soon construct an insurmountable wall. 

When possible, in interpersonal communication, think your responses through first. Allow yourself to really understand what was said to you. Ask clarifying questions if need be. Try to see the situation from their perspective. Weigh the benefits versus the repercussions of your response. Examine your motive, are you seeking resolution or just retaliating from an offense.

Choose to respond in a way that fosters a better relationship with that person and works towards forward progress. 

Next time you throw out a brick - make sure it is used to build a bridge rather than fortify a wall. 

Originally blogged 2/29/12

Empowering vs. Enabling

It is an important distinction - one that I feel many women do not make.

Doing something for someone else is often quicker and easier in the short run than teaching them how to do something for themselves. 


I think women in general are "pleasers." They don't want to cause waves or ruffle feathers. So in order to avoid conflict, they do too much for others when they should be doing it for themselves. 

You may give them guidance when needed and help them at times but the measure of a STRONG woman is not how much she takes on but rather how much strength she passes on to others by teaching them and giving them the support they need to be the best they can be.

So whether it is teaching, coaching, supervising, or parenting - it is always better to empower someone to learn how to be good at something rather than doing if for them and enabling them to stay ignorant, weak, or lazy. 

Riding the Roller Coaster

I have found being a strong female in a leadership position, is often like riding a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs. 

The complaints generally titter back and forth between - you're too permissive, need to be more decisive, take charge of the situation - alternating with - you're unapproachable, too rigid in your stance, too bossy.

It seems hard to find the happy medium. 

You just can't please everyone, even your bosses. I think that it is important to stay true to your core personality, make minor adjustments when needed; but we just can't be someone another person wants us to be or it comes across as unauthentic. 

If you just aren't matching with a boss or a coworker and they keep trying to change you but never happy with the change, then it may be time to find someone else to work with. 

Often excessive criticism of a person's work personality, rather than their work ethic or a work product, is just a disguise for a personality conflict that may never be resolved.